I’ve never been so fucking pissed off in my life. Don’t ever bad mouth my relationship.

Shoes, Cars, and Dancing. My passions in life.

It’s all good.

Worse way to end a night is to end it with an uneasy feeling. I can’t sleep like this. And I have to work in the morning.

I really need to practice. I really need to relieve some stress. I need to get back to expressing myself through movement instead of words because dancing really brings out the best of me sometimes and it sometimes is the best to describe how I’m feeling at the moment. I wish I had room to practice in this little apartment or at least have a studio. I’d be there on my late nights when my mind is racing non stop. I’d be there when I feel trapped in this shitty city so that I can feel free. Damn I’ve really forgotten how much i love dancing.

I miss how clean my car used to be. I miss the feeling of satisfaction after modding my car. Doing everything myself. I really let it go. I know I have all the time in the world to build it and bring it back to its glory, well the glory that satisfied me cause idgaf what others think. I miss driving my car and having a good feeling about it, and breaking necks. Holy shit, that was the best feeling lol. Idk what happened to my passion for cars. I need to find it again. It relieved so much stress aside from dancing. 

The worse feeling is when I say something stupid shit without thinking first and I make her mad. Its so stupid of me. I swear i beat myself up like crazy when I make her mad. It’s such a shitty fucking feeling. What’s worse is that she’s far away so I can’t just talk to her. She has the ability to ignore me. I mean really ignore me. Ignore button, not text back, or whatever. It fucking sucks ass. It’s probably one of the worse fucking feelings. I get so disappointed in myself every time I make her mad. Fuck man. This shit fucking sucks.

Its been awhile since I’ve been back on my blog. Hmm…lets do an update I suppose? Well in 2 days from today I get to see my girlfriend. I am extremely excited. I miss her more and more everyday. This has been a long hard fought 4 months apart. Holy shit has it been hard. Long Distance is not easy. We had some of the roughest times. I tell you the roughest times. This relationship has been through some crazy shit. It was even like we were arguing. There were times where this relationship brought about doubts. Doubts that sometimes got the better of this relationship. But we never gave up. Giving up was notoption. Honestly, I never thought I would ever be this hopeful. and strong in a relationship. I swear these times make us stronger everyday. Being apart makes us stronger, believe or not. We fight hard everyday, and we remind each other everyday how much we love each other. I’ve never had that before. I’ve never had a person that gives me strength even when she isn’t right next to me. I’ve never had a girl that is so damn stubborn lol. Damn is she stubborn lol. But I love her because of it. Her stubbornness gives her the ability to love so hard. It gives her the ability to put everything into something because she’s too stubborn to not put everything she has. She lives in San Antonio, for now, doing CNA. She’s the top of her class. She’s doing big things. She’s someone I can be nothing but proud of. Wherever she goes, whatever she does in life, I’m always gonna be supporting her. As she would say her “number 1 fan” lol. Our relationship may not be normal, and she may live basically halfway across the universe but I promise that this isn’t something temporary. In 2 days its gonna be proof of how amazing this relationship is. I have never imagined my life to be where its at. Especially after Oregon. It still amazes me how a kid from the midwest. Kansas City to be exact, moving to Oregon knowing that I’m gonna be moving in a year, to meet a girl that will completely change my life. I wasn’t even expecting this shit. its crazy where life leads you and the people that come into your life. I got out of KC because I felt stuck. I couldn’t live there anymore. Shit was getting so redundant. Same shit, different day. Niggas were starting to annoy me, no offense to my KC people but it’s true. I had to leave. I had to grow out of KC. So i had my opportunity and I dipped. How in the hell did I get her? Holy shit man lol. It amazes me too. I am so thankful to find someone that fully understands me and that is fully open with me as I am with her. We went from awkward hello’s and awkward moments bumping into each other to being lovers. We would have never done this long distance relationship if we knew that we couldn’t see a future in each other. And I can honestly say that she is the love of my life. I’ve never had this feeling ever for anyone else. She is incredible.


(Source: celadonlonghorn)

I am trying my best.